Self

I wonder where this is going to take me.
Wonder why this just doesn't stop at last. I ask myself when is it going to be enough pain for me to handle. When is it going to break the rope. I search inside my soul and find emptyness and dust. This shadow behind my eyes, a deep sadness inside my vains.
I tell myself that i don't want to be responsible for my own pain but just can't control going deeper and deeper in my heart.
I stopped asking for help a long time ago, even though i never actually did it in actions or words. I started asking for forgiveness for something i'm just not sure that can be forgiven. I guess i just don't know what it is. I started going with the flow and realized i can't decide between two things. Can't choose anything and just don't have an opinion. I often go with the flow...
I wonder where this is going to take me...this feeling of not being good enough, not worthy of love, just to make me feel better (if there's such thing as that)...
I wonder how much longer is it going to take for this glass of red wine to be empty, not a single drop in the bottle next to the bathtub. How longer is it going to take me to fall asleep under the water and drown in my own tears?